These are the Five Pharasitical Laws. You follow them, get them checked with your pastor, and if any are wrong, give me a slap at xanga.com/excessiveprayer. They are not the parasitical laws.

1.   Thou shalt not hate. Instead thou shalt love everybody. Otherwise, it will be hard for thee to goeth to heaven.

2.   Thou should give to the poor always. Especially if thoust are walking from a Seven-Eleven with a half eaten hotdog in thy hands, give it to him, unless he says no. If he curses thee out, then forgive him and apologize.

3.   Thou should not profane or swear. No matter how much it hurts.

4.   Thou shalt not check out women before thou arst ready which is when I say.

5.   Thou shalt never lie. Including white lies and black lies.

6.   Thou shalt not be blasphemous nor speak heresy. And if somebody is preaching heresy, don't condemn him to hell. Rather, let him know in a reasonable discussion. A socratic seminar is not a reasonable discussion.

7.   What woulst Jesus Doeth? (WWJD)

8.   Involveth Jesus Christ in everything. Discussions, arguments, and meetings. Everything.

9.   Know God is always watching. Even when you are alone.

10. Judge not lest ye be judged.

11. Criticize not lest ye be criticized. 

12. Pray in times of Misfortune, pray in times of Joy. Especially in times of Misfortune.

13. If something is not in the bible, it is never 100 percent true. Not even 2+2=4.